Thursday, October 7, 2010

Letting Go

Relationships are not always easy....especially when a person is taken from you in death, or decides they need to take another path, instead of the one you have walked together. Letting go is such a process, an often painful process, showing how our attachments to things of this plane of life have us hooked. To love and reach the place of acceptance, we truly have to let go....and allow the other to be who and what they need to be in this moment in time.

For one who grew up with "the happily ever after stories", letting go seems to be such a drawn out process even though I say, "I am willing to let go" and even sometimes say, "I am willing to be willing to let go". Honesty about where we are at in that process takes time, peeling back the layers of denial to that place of alone-ness...that same alone-ness as experienced when we enter this life. There is an innocence in that alone-ness...of trusting what is ahead, even when you cannot see what is ahead....and that, My Friends, is "where the rubber meets the road". It seems like the trenches, as I sometimes call them. I don't know about you, but I hate those pat things people say when you are mucking through the trenches, like "people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime". When I am mucking, I emotionally want to lash I don't want to hurt or grieve the pain is too much....cause that is what letting go is...grieving and it hurts. For those of you who believe in reincarnation or heaven, a belief that you will see them again does not even seem to bring salve to your wounds at the time. You want them in your life now! You miss miss everything about them...their smells, their mannerisms, and even the things you had a hard time tolerating.

For me, I have to go back to the basics at that time. The basics for me are a level of willful trust, and for one who started out with my twin dying in the womb, being a forceps delivery, and other yucky circumstances in my family going on, I don't always feel like I do that gracefully. Trust does not come easy. The basic memory of alone-ness was frightening and often still feels dark. But life has a way of bringing a new tomorrow, a new thought, a new book to read, a new friend, and the list goes on and on that takes us away from our sorrow. We are courageous, powerful and overcoming beings of Spirit, when we are able to take a deep breath and just let go into the river of life.

You can make it I tell myself!

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